Sicklove

About the project

My series “Sicklove” documents elements of my relationship with a former partner who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This series is more personal than my previous works. It carries more private pain. It reflects on ideas of intimacy, immortality and the loss of identity when caring for an ill loved-one.

I met him at LaGuardia airport where he was working in the airline industry. I was drawn to his self- assurance, his charisma and his ability to relieve anxiety when he is at his best. He didn’t reveal his illness to me until 10 months into our relationship.

It was a very complicated relationship. I didn’t know how to process it. Our time together was marked with extremes. Our moments of intimacy were heightened by a sense of urgency caused by the uncertainty of his condition. There was a magnetism between us which made it hard for either of us to completely break free. It would bring us together, but then tear us apart. Being in love, and then being in love with someone who is dying is something that you don’t know how to handle. We’d fight, and end it every week, but then something would happen and we’d be drawn back together. We were stuck in this toxic loop.

The series became my therapy. It became a way I could view the situation through a barrier. A way I could separate myself from what was happening. There were moments during the relationship where it didn’t feel real, so I wanted the images to look as if they were stills from a movie. That was the only analogy I could find for describing the surreal-ness of the situation. The process of capturing each image was very composed and structured. Each photo took around half an hour to take.

The rooftop played a very significant role for me at the time, so I use that as a repetitive moment in the series. I saw it as my escape. There were times when I would sit on the edge thinking if I jumped off, it would be the best thing for both of us. There were moments when I would document him on the rooftop when I thought he was going to die. The rooftop was also symbolic as it gave me a reprieve from the suffocating feeling you can experience living in New York. The space above the rooftop represented freedom to me. In New York, sometimes it feels like you don’t have freedom. It can be so claustrophobic. There is no privacy. We couldn’t argue without people watching us on the street or listening through the apartment walls. There was a moment we were on the street together after he found out he might also have a brain tumor. I was in tears, hugging him and a car full of teenagers drove by and they were mocking us. They didn’t know the situation, but that for me was the epitome of what it is like to be emotional in the city. You can’t express yourself without someone else’s opinion, or without someone seeing what’s going on.

The end of the relationship with him remained much like my connection with city I call home. Both have magnetism and madness.

It was hard for me to release this series. I wanted to use it to get my own battles with mental health out there. Be more vulnerable and honest about how I am feeling. There are times where death was on my brain and I felt like it was my only way out. I used to hide my feelings, but I’ve gotten to the stage where I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to be dramatic about it, or come across as a victim, but I got so exhausted saying that I was fine when I wasn’t. Sometimes I’m fine and life is absolutely wonderful, but sometimes I’m not, and I don’t want to pretend anymore.

Cancer support website: https://ift.tt/2PTeL6X

Ward Roberts

Bio

Ward Roberts is an independent conceptual artist who creates exquisitely composed photographs drawing on themes such as the effects of loneliness and isolation in the modern world.

The artist’s perspective is fresh and engaging, the sophisticated aesthetic are often contradicted by subtle unscripted moments. A soft drenched colour pallet is a common theme. there is an innate energy at the core of his work, one which is harnessed and marshaled into every detail in the composition. Roberts’ work is in many ways a rebuttal of the prevailing trend of urban, gritty style contemporary photography. There is a dichotomy at play in his fine art images which simultaneously recall the mastery of medium and calculated patience of remote academic painters, yet his subjects and presentation feel completely new and contemporary.

Ward is currently based in New York.

L'articolo Sicklove sembra essere il primo su Vogue.it.

from Vogue.it https://ift.tt/2PmqMk6